Midnight Musings
by Kharma
Summary: The title says it all really.


Disclaimer: the only people that belong to me are the children.  Everything else belongs to somebody else.

Notes: Someone's thinking late at night.

MIDNIGHT MUSINGS

Midnight.  She couldn't understand why so many people thought there was something so magical about the so-call witching hour.  To her, it was just another hour of the night.  The worst hour.  That hour just before she fell asleep when she felt most alone.  The only person she had ever really loved was gone and she didn't know how she was going to carry on without him.

She should have told him how she felt before he left her, cut she hadn't and now it was too late.  If she had told him, maybe everything would have been different.  Maybe he would still be there.

She thought it would actually have been easier if he had died instead of just killing all her hopes and dreams like this.  At least that way she would have been able to grieve and move on, but he hadn't.  He was alive and healthy.  She hoped he was happy, but she didn't know for sure.  She had never asked him.  It was too hard.

The worst part of it all was, she had always known that he would never be hers and that the day would come when he would leave.  Is heart had always belonged to someone else, but she had never for one second imagined that those feelings were returned.

She sighed.  Tomorrow was going to be a long, hard day.  Tomorrow she would watch the man she loved marry another woman.  A woman she liked and respected, which should have made it easier.  But it didn't, somehow it was worse.  What was going to make it even harder was the fact that she wouldn't be able to just melt into the background at the wedding and reception.  She was going to be right up there at the front, because she was the maid of honour.  She still couldn't work out exactly why she had agreed to do that, but they had asked her so nicely that she just couldn't bear to hurt them by saying no.  So, even though her heart would be breaking she would do it.  She would smile and laugh, do and say all the right things.  And then, when it was over, she would go home and cry.

She didn't know if she would be able to cope at work.  Knowing that she would have to see him, see them, every day.  Seeing the smiles and little touches.  Before she had always been a part of the little in-jokes that confused everybody who didn't know them.  But that would all change now, had already started to change in fact.  Well, she would just have to try her best to get through it.  If that didn't work, with the skills she had picked up over the last couple of years she should be able to get a job with any university in the country.  She would have to wait and see.

She sighed, rolled over in bed and tried to get comfortable.  She had better try and get some sleep or she would be no good for anything tomorrow.  She was just drifting off to sleep when she heard a gentle tap at the door.

"Who is it?" she called.

"It's me," he whispered.  "Can I come in?"

"O-okay." She stammered.  Her heart was beating so hard, she could barely breathe.  He was getting married tomorrow, why was he knocking on her door at this hour of the night?

"Is everything alright?" she asked as he let himself in and came to sit in the chair by the side of the bed.

"Everything's fine.  I just wanted to talk to you.  Everything's going to be so different from tomorrow, that I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

She was confused.  "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I know how you feel about me," he said gently.  "I always have."

"Oh.  Does she know?"

"She knows.  Actually it was her idea for me to come and see if you were okay.  She's worried about you."

"Well, she doesn't have to be.  I'm just fine."

Neither of them said anything else for a few moments, they just sat there in companionable silence, like they had done thousands of times before.

"So, " she asked.  "If you both knew, why did neither of you say anything?"

"We didn't want to hurt you.  Actually," he said with a small smile.  "I think that was one of the reasons why we fought so hard against the way we felt for each other.  There was always the fact that if anything went wrong, we weren't the only ones that would get hurt.  There was you to consider as well."

"What happened to change your minds?"

"In the end, we just couldn't fight it anymore.  We had to give in, regardless of the consequences."

She smiled.  "And here we are, three months later and you're about to get married.  It was hard at first, it still is, but I am happy for you both.  Really.  Just promise me one thing?"

"What?" he asked.

"Never hurt her, do everything you can to make sure that every minute of her life is happy.  Okay?"

"Okay." He smiled.  "You know something?"

"What?"

"You are one very special lady.  And whatever else happens, I hope you will always be a part of my life because I can't imagine what my life would be like without you in.  Now, we have a very busy day coming up, so I'm going to go to bed."

He bent down to kiss her cheek before getting up to leave.

"Nigel," she called just before he closed the door.

He turned and came back into the room.  What?" he asked.

"Before you go to bed tonight, go to Syd's room and make sure she knows just how much you love her.  Then tell her I'll see her tomorrow and that I love you both.  Okay?"

"Okay.  Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Claudia smiled as she lay back down.  Yes, it would be hard but she would survive.  Because now she knew that whatever happened, they would all know that someone was there for them if they ever needed a friend and, even if they were thousands of miles apart in body, they would always be together in spirit.

She knew that for centuries past and centuries still to come, through all their past and future lives, they had been and would always be drawn to each other.  Sometime hating, more often loving, but always together.

The three of them.  Sydney, Claudia and Nigel.  Just how it was meant to be.


End file.
